Blog Archives
On Busyness
Busyness. It’s kind of like a predator that stalks you late into the evening. You don’t realize its there. You go on walking like everything is fine. Then, just as you begin to fatigue, it pounces on you for the kill. You can’t escape its grip because you’ve made too many commitments to too many people. And slowly, ever so slowly, you feel life leave you. What was once an exciting adventure into the unknown feels like daily grind with no end in sight.
Am I exaggerating? Perhaps. But when busyness hits it can certainly feel that way (for an F that is… not sure how Ts process it). I was doing so well this quarter. Sure, I was already busy last quarter, but I made it through without too many scratches. So I thought I could handle more this quarter. Three classes became four. 20 hours of work became 30. I took on new projects at church. Teaching engagements, weekend conferences, more meetings, exciting projects at work- all amazing opportunities that I picked up like a fat kid in the candy store. Seemed like a good idea at the time. That is until the belly ache hit.
Well it hit today. Read the rest of this entry
On Waiting
As I settle into my annual Daniel fast (3 weeks of fasting media, meats, and sweets), I sense the Lord teaching me once again about waiting. Like all of you, there are a lot of things in life I’m waiting on- dreams, longings, unfulfilled promises. And also like all of you, I hate waiting.
In the past, focusing my thoughts and prayers on all the things I was waiting for in life caused me to fall into a pit of self pity and depression. In fact, much of my Daniel fasts in past years were spent dealing with the deep sense of emptiness I felt that I was waiting on God to fill. They were really difficult times. Times when my brokenness and loneliness seemed to sit on the surface of my life; and yet, God met me every year, reminding me that he was with me. I came out of these seasons stronger, with a more refined character, and with fresh insight on the nature of God. Through these seasons I began to see waiting not as an enemy to avoid, but as a refinement process God takes all of us through. I saw it as a necessary surgery that Dr. God uses to heal and refine broken, sinful people.
Yesterday during my prayer time I felt led to listen to “Longing for a New Jerusalem” by Matt Gilman. I’ve heard this song before, but there was something fresh that the Spirit was speaking to me as I was moved to tears worshipping to this song. The song (attached below) paints an amazing lyrical picture of the end times vision of the New Jerusalem coming down from heaven. It speaks to the return of King Jesus who will usher in the fullness of the Kingdom of God, the eternal reign of God, when all things shall be made new. When our relationship with God will be fully restored and we would know him as a bride knows her husband. When every tear shall be wiped from our faces, and there will be no more pain and suffering. As I was soaking in the words of this prophetic song, I felt my soul cry, “Yes! Yes, I long for that! I want that! I wait eagerly for this! Come King Jesus!” It was one of the most intense desires of longing and wanting I’ve ever experienced. For a brief moment, all of the other things I’ve been waiting for paled in comparison to waiting for His return.
And then it hit me. Read the rest of this entry
Stormy Day
8 days into my media/meat/dessert fast and I’m really starting to feel it. Maybe its having a day off after a ministry filled weekend. Maybe the post conference lull is finally getting to me. Or maybe it’s the fact that it’s raining like mad right now (by San Diego standards, it’s like the end of the world… click map for visual). But I woke up this morning and felt very alone…
The feeling didn’t go away through the day and more than ever I found myself wanting to drown out the feeling in front of the tube, stalking people on Facebook, eating my room mates chocolate, or chatting away on AIM. At one point, I was looking at my iPhone and the games that I had left on my phone from before my fast had the same appeal to me as crack cocaine.
As I laid there in bed, trying to get my day started somehow, I began to realize how much “stuff” I do to keep myself from facing my poverty of loneliness. I mean I wonder how much of my life is driven by the need to feel connected to someone or something. The way I do ministry, the attention I give to my friends/family, the time I waste online… is it really all done to just cover up this gaping need in my heart to feel connected? Read the rest of this entry
