Blog Archives
On Busyness
Busyness. It’s kind of like a predator that stalks you late into the evening. You don’t realize its there. You go on walking like everything is fine. Then, just as you begin to fatigue, it pounces on you for the kill. You can’t escape its grip because you’ve made too many commitments to too many people. And slowly, ever so slowly, you feel life leave you. What was once an exciting adventure into the unknown feels like daily grind with no end in sight.
Am I exaggerating? Perhaps. But when busyness hits it can certainly feel that way (for an F that is… not sure how Ts process it). I was doing so well this quarter. Sure, I was already busy last quarter, but I made it through without too many scratches. So I thought I could handle more this quarter. Three classes became four. 20 hours of work became 30. I took on new projects at church. Teaching engagements, weekend conferences, more meetings, exciting projects at work- all amazing opportunities that I picked up like a fat kid in the candy store. Seemed like a good idea at the time. That is until the belly ache hit.
Well it hit today. Read the rest of this entry
On God’s Presence
Some have complained already that my post yesterday was too dark and scary. I still stick to my initial thought that the film presents a reality that we often try to avoid and ignore, but oh well… keep taking that blue pill.
Anyways, on a more hopeful note, I’ve been reflecting on the value of the presence of God. I’ve often said that being in His presence was really important to me. I’ve led worship for years saying that I want to “experience” or “enter” His presence. I’ve prayed time and time again for his presence to fall. And how did I know I was in His presence? Well for most of my Christian journey I knew by feeling an emotional connection or a “spiritual high.” You know the one you get when you go to a fun praise night or a retreat. That emotional feeling of joy, excitement, and conviction. Or perhaps God’s presence means bawling during an intense prayer meeting or feeling “filled with the Spirit” to do ministry. And so certainly when things are depressing and ministry is failing it means that I’ve somehow run away from Him or that His presence has left me right? I mean there has to be more to it, and God has continually been expanding my view of what it means to abide in Him. Read the rest of this entry
On Silence and Solitude
Fasting is such an interesting experience. If you didn’t know I’m fasting for 3 weeks until Jan. 31st because our fellowship is on a prayer journey to seek God together for 3 weeks! Specifically, I’m fasting meat, desserts, junk food, and media (movies, AIM, facebook, TV). I must say, as much as I dreaded the experience, this past week has actually been pretty good. (To find out more check out UCSD InterVarsity’s prayer challenge website.)
One thing about fasting media is you quickly realize how much stuff there is in this world to distract you! I find my evenings eerily quiet as I can’t really sit in front of the computer or the tube. Not to mention that all my roommates for whatever reason left me home alone in the house this past week. You know, I actually hate being in quiet. I hate being left alone with my thoughts and emotions. They often haunt me, question me, and take me into deep pits I really don’t like venturing into.
I don’t know if all of you know this, but this has been an incredibly difficult season for me. I don’t think I’ve ever doubted God’s presence, love, and call on my life as much as I have in the past 4 months. My experience of sitting alone at home is usually filled with a deep rooted Read the rest of this entry
